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May 25, 2020

Thriving Alone - @theallieofmyeye

“You ever notice all of the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa…can’t think of any others, they all die alone.”

-House M.D.

Think of the great female role models in your life. Go ahead, take a moment and list them.

Did anyone mention the above women? Jennifer Aniston? Stevie Nicks? Oprah Winfrey? Marilyn Monroe? Betty White?

All of these women made fabulous, lasting contributions for this and future generations of women by creating inspiring work. They dedicated their lives to being the best at what they do. Many of them, were unmarried and/or childless.

Their fabulous and often turbulent lives led relationships to ruin. These strong women whom the world at large love, couldn’t make many of their relationships work. They were probably told at one time to settle down and have kids too. They probably had family and friends asking, “have you been dating?” Or, “whatever happened to that man you were with?”

I have struggled deeply within myself about things I have “lost” the past two years. I’ve begun to question if I’m meant to have a marriage, children, all the things I’d hoped for ever since I was a little girl.

But with a secret ambition to go to medical school, a fiery drive to outdo others I’m in awe of, and a passion for bettering myself by becoming a more enlightened and accepting person... maybe I too am meant for more.

Maybe I’m not losing anything. Just maybe, I have something bigger to give to the world. I’m the best at something I haven’t found yet. Maybe you are too. Yes, you reading this.

I sat watching House M.D. while sheltering in place, attempting to overcome oftentimes crippling depression and anxiety brought on by over a year of constant stress in my uncertain love life. A lack of children and someone to call me “Mommy” echoing in my ears every time I walk by the baby clothes in any department store. A secret jealousy that rises up to my lips when I see pregnant women.

Maybe a traditional love and family isn’t my path. Maybe God mapped out my life plan on a different trail, and I’d been so busy crying over being lost I hadn’t let the tears clear long enough to see the signs.

I could have children with the right man for me one day. Maybe I will eventually put my Pinterest wedding boards to use. I’m not nearly discounting that possibility, but until all those things come organically and without me having to go grey with worry, I’m going to forge ahead with myself.

I’m going to become a better women and give everything I can to this world. I am special, I am divine and beautiful, and I glow like a sunset. Just like you. And if you’re reading this and gain any sense of empowerment, then go out into the world and pursue the things you haven’t yet. Maybe you, like me, were scared of being alone, missing out on traditional family goals. You are not alone. You are surrounded with me, hundreds of gifted women like us, and all the famous and incredible women I mentioned at the beginning.

Thrive.


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